toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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