Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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