dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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