I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
