the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
