I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
