Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
