I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
