Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
