We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
