some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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