Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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