That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
