yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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