How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
