i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
