What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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