Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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