My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
