Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
