i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
