So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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