i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
