This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
