I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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