Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
