my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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