I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
