i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
