did you get engaged???
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
