this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
