Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
