If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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