Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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