I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
