Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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