i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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