Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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