I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
