btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
