I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
