You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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