so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
