a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
