the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
