no, he came in my armpit
I think I won the penis lottery.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
