"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Small penises have feelings too.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
