a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
