what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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