i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
