so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
